If Only
If I had my way there’d only be laughs and giggles
We’d all be innocent and a little tipsy
Smiling at the slightest thing
Never hurt or angry, nor scared or injured
Soaking in every moment completely without worry
Hardly able to sleep for being so alive
There’d be no sad good-byes no aching absence
Nothing precious lost and only laughter found
Nothing to envy, only things to admire
Nothing to horde, plenty to share
Laughs and giggles
If only I had my way
love
I married a hippy
A pretty girl who
occasionally shared
my illegal smile.
But she really was
a sweet innocent child
And I looovvved her
And she looovvved me
But since Jesus moved in
It’s as if she hates me
And that just breaks my bones
And grinds me to dust
The way I understand it
He came for the likes of me
In fact it seems that He
Loves me just as I am
I know she remembers that..
That she loved me once
And if He could love me now
Couldn’t she? Again
You my wife
What do you know
If you loved me
You might save me too
Have I ever not been right?
***
i stand in a burned and smoldering
40 acre field
a field of ruination by my own hand
i played with the matches carelessly
and brilliant beautiful flame of pale blue
flared into a conflagration that left me
scorched with regret and
solitary in this field of smoke
now all i see is what was before
what is gone and will be nevermore
was it real or imagined
or only a phantom
i lost the time to know
because i was careless
and now the only sensation i have
is that of the heart pounding in my chest
and the pulse surging through my veins
and so i am alive and maybe
given the time to nurture a field
and perhaps time to forgive myself for
burning this one
A cold day drizzling rain
I stir my coffee
And listen for what isn’t there
Something missing
What could it be?
The love that was you and me
Scratching the walls
Tearing up the furniture
Knocking over lamps
Running hot and loud
Howling at the moon
Screaming in the wind
Out until daybreak
Reeling in the flow
Exhausted in a heap
That love was you and me
I look around the house
Where did it go?
Wasn’t it here just yesterday?
Then I see a trace
A tattered piece under the sofa
Dusty and moldy with spider webs
I pull it out quickly
But it seems lifeless
A shell of what it was
911 arrives right away
The EMTs working fast and hard
But that look they give me
“No hope friend
But we’ll keep it alive
For the emergency room”
Crash carts flying
Gurnery’s sliding
Just like TV
The hectic pace goes
Far into the night
But as the hands are straight up
“It’s time”
Looking at the clock
“Dead at midnight”
***